Thursday, June 14, 2012

Allen Update

I feel I have an amazing story to tell, but I don’t even know where to begin.  I think Dustin put it best the other night when he said, “Baby, we’re fine.  The fact that neither of us have had a panic attack or mental breakdown at this point is really quite miraculous.  We’re up against some incredible odds.”

And he’s right.  We’ve gone through a lot of shit together in our short first year of marriage.  When I count the amount of challenging situations or problems we’ve had since getting married, it blows my mind that they all have happened within the past 14 months. 

When we decided to move down to Louisiana, we knew we were leaving a lot behind.  The boys.  School of Rock.  Our friends.  Our family.  Our music.  Our home.  We thought long and hard about what we wanted to do.  We knew we had to make some sacrifices, but we truly believed that by taking the step to leave all of that for a while to pursue the opportunity we saw in Louisiana, we would be able to help make all of the things listed above better.  We know that some of our decisions may seem hasty or insensible to some people, but we rely on ourselves and what our hearts are saying.  We follow that inner voice, trusting that we are working for divine good.  We have faith that if this is really what we are meant to be doing, then things will work out.  We’re going to be fine.  Nothing can keep our good from us.  Nothing can separate us from that divine good that is rightfully ours.  It’s like the bible verse: “Nothing can separate us from the love of God.”

So we took a chance.  We said goodbye to all that we had established in Terre Haute in the hopes that the move to Louisiana would bring a better and brighter future for all.  Well, it didn’t quite work out that way…

Being away from the boys is hard.  Really really really hard.  A lot harder than we expected.  And we expected it to be hard.  The first few months were manageable, but after that, we started to notice it negatively effecting parts of our lives.  We’d both get really down and homesick, especially Dustin.  He could go a week or two, but come week three or four, he was really missing his boys.  It started to affect his mood and attitude on things, noticeably.  Even Phil had mentioned how he can tell when Dustin’s gotten to the point where he needs to see his boys.  He said he can see a noticeable difference afterwards.  Like the boys “heal” him, he used to say. 

So things were already getting pretty rough, and then we found out that Rebecca had accepted a job in Asheville, NC and that she and the boys were planning to move there June 1st.  Now, we can’t get mad at her decision to move because we were the ones to move first, after all.  Rebecca had asked if we’d be willing to move out of Indiana a few times in the past, but we were always hesitant.  Our families were in Indiana.  My career and schooling, School of Rock, etc.  No, we didn’t want to leave.  But then Dustin was presented with the Louisiana opportunity and we had to severely reconsider it all.  So, feeling like a hypocrite, I knew that when we moved down there, it was only a matter of time before Rebecca decided to move, too.  Which she has every right to do.  So we weren’t really mad when we found out.  We were more just like, “Ok, so how do we make this work?”

At first, we were planning on still staying in Louisiana for another year or so with OPS, and then Phil was potentially going to open up an office in NC so we could be with the boys.  So we were fine with that, but then another month or so goes by and we realize that we just really can’t take it anymore.  It’s too hard being away from them.  We’re starting to see it affect the boys, which breaks our hearts.  They talk about how much they miss him and then they can’t really grasp the idea of how long it will be before they see Daddy again and whether we’re going to be in Louisiana, Indiana, or North Carolina.  Dustin finally got a chance to talk with Phil about how he can’t stay another year, and we agreed that we’d stay for the summer and started making plans to move to Asheville in August. 

Well, then we had to say goodbye to the boys as they left for Asheville on Sunday.  Everyone was an emotional wreck, including the boys.  This move is going to be rough for them at first.  So we realized that if we’re going to move to North Carolina, we need to go ahead and do it now because we need to be by the boys.

When we said goodbye to them, Matisse asked Dustin, “When will I see you again, Daddy.” 

Dustin frowned, “Well, I don’t really know, buddy.  Probably a few weeks or a month.”

“So in a couple of mornings??” Matisse asked.

It’s heartbreaking to not really know how long it will be before we see them again and then try to explain that concept of time to a child.  

As we were loading the car, Julien kept going around the house telling everyone how much he was going to miss them.  Rebecca’s mom and grandma were teary messes, and so were Dustin and I.  So much to the point that we realized we need to get to North Carolina as soon as we can.  As in like, now.  They need us there.  And we need to be there.  For them and for us.  We’re all going to be a lot happier once we’re all together.  Now it’s just getting there…

I’ve spent the last eight days scouring the internets and media for a place to live in Asheville, and we are making plans to be there by July 1st.  That’s less than three weeks. (holy.crap)  It’s exciting yet terrifying all at the same time.  We should have our housing situation settled by the end of the week, and then the packing begins.

I thought if I said goodbye to Louisiana, it would be to go home to Indiana.  Now I’m letting the idea settle that I may very well live the rest of my life in Asheville, NC…  I really do feel like it’s the perfect place for us, and I can’t wait to see what good is going to come from moving there.  Though, I’ll admit, things are a little frightening at times (moving there with no jobs lined up, for one…), but that fear helps open my mind to creative ideas and solutions.  We get to choose whether our life situation is good or bad.  It’s all about attitude.  And I am deciding that my life situation is going to freaking rock. :)

Love and Blessings,

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